Back to program. Was a couple minutes late for breakfast, but managed to finish on time. Fortunately breakfast is small, do it's easy to eat. Lunch was a close call though! I had a turkey sandwich (twice what I had for dinner last night!) and a bowl of mixed veggies. It was so hard to choke all that food down in such a short period of time. But I did it - no Ensure for me! It was interesting listening to the other girls in group today. One of them, who is very thin, spoke about being embarrassed to run into someone she knew over the weekend, because she's "gained all this weight", and it made me think about the times I have felt that way. I thought that it was so awful when I had out in weight, and was so ashamed and embarrassed to look at people in the hallway. Now here is this woman who I think looks so good, having the same thoughts as me! I guess that's why we're both at the program, but it was interesting to hear that the "fear of fat" can be there, regardless of how much we weigh.
Speaking of weight, we had to weigh in today. I was very tempted to jump on the scale after the nurse left, but I didn't. I have no idea if I gained weight or lost weight, and I am a bit anxious about it. I didn't have s weight requirement to meet, but two of the thinner girls didn't make their weight, so I'm not sure how I feel about that. One of the girls has to eat so much food at every meal, so I can't believe that she wouldn't have gained half a kilo!
The group sessions went well, we explored father-daughter relationships in the afternoon; it was nice to know that my relationship with my dad is pretty healthy, and has actually gotten better in the last few years. The therapist asked us to consider how the eating disorder has affected our relationship, or how the relationship influenced the disorder. I was happy to be able to say that telling my dad about my eating disorder allowed me to be completely honest with him, and I feel like he is supportive of me through this treatment. Not too many of the other girls could say that.
Lastly, people were telling me all weekend that I am looking better, and looking healthier, so that was a nice little confidence boost for going into my Monday.
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