Well, the week went by pretty quickly, but today seemed to drag. I was really tired after waking up early again to do breakfast prep. In the weekend planning session after breakfast, we were asked how we are feeling going into the weekend. I have my son, Luc, and his friend Marshall for the weekend, which is giving me some anxiety. Luc doesn't listen to me that often, and it can be very triggering for me. When we stay at our house, he doesn't listen to me about bedtime, and wants to eat McDonald's and ice cream. I've asked my boyfriend (who has been so wonderfully supportive of me) if we could stay at his house. I'm just not ready to be on my own with Luc yet, and I think having two kids for the weekend might be stressful and lead to some behaviours. Or maybe I don't trust myself to be at home yet. So we're staying with Tony this weekend, and it's his birthday today. What a great guy, I love that he is so supportive and helpful.
I had a session with my dietician over the break, I'm still really struggling with what she says about saturated fats. Apparently now it's safe to eat saturated fat. I'm skeptical. And she says sugar is part of a normal diet. Ummm, I don't think so. Eating sugar and fatty food put my body in the shape that it is now, and I am not happy with that. So really, the only solution is to take all of those 'bad' foods out of my diet. According to the program staff, that is letting my eating disorder control me. I don't know how much I can believe that. I really don't trust the food part of this program, but I'll continue to stick it out.
After lunch, we watched a documentary about the Dixie Chicks and how they ruined their careers by talking shit about Bush. It's too bad that they were so harshly criticized, the point of the movie was to indicate how limited 'freedom of speech' really is. It really didn't have anything to do with eating disorders, I think it was just a way to keep us occupied for a few hours.
I just barely finished my snacks;grapes in the morning, veggies and hummus in the afternoon. The servings are too big to eat in such a short period of time. I think I will have to start picking something easier to eat, but all of the other snack options are junk. They give too big a serving of nuts (I had almonds for a snack on Tuesday, and there were 50 of them in the bowl! 50!! The proper serving is 20!!!), and I don't want to pick trail mix every day. The other stuff is like Rice Krispie squares, cookies, ice cream, cheese and crackers, or crackers and peanut butter. Not sure about crackers and cheese or peanut butter, as those are binge foods for me. So I'm not really sure what to do for menu planning on Monday. I probably will have to give in and have toast and butter with at least one breakfast. Ugh. I know it won't kill me to eat it, but I don't think they are being by accommodating in this program.
Well, at least it's the weekend now. Hopefully it goes well, I think with Tony's help I'll be able to get through it with the kids here.
No comments:
Post a Comment