Day 3

Well, today was probably the best day I've had so far, relative to the first two.  I am starting to get used to eating so much, so often, although I would still argue that we should be eating every 3 hours, with smaller portions - huge portions every 2 hours is a lot for anyone to eat, let alone someone who is used to eating very small amounts of food, or incredibly large amounts that don't get fully digested.  I still feel bloated, but not as bad as Monday or Tuesday.  I had a bit of a struggle over the 'necessity' of condiments with meals - the dieticians insist that we have some kind of added fat with toast, whether it is butter, cheez whiz, cream cheese or peanut butter.  And if we do choose to have this, then we need to eat the whole thing.  I have never been a fan of condiments, so I chose to switch any orders of toast for breakfast with oatmeal.  I was asked if this is something that needs to be challenged.  I insisted that it wasn't a disorder thing, it's a preference - I don't like salad dressing, or added fat on my toast.  Peanut butter is too much of a trigger for me, so I don't want that either.  Since I was a kid, I haven't liked to have a lot of added stuff on my food; I think I was 12 by the time I was okay with having butter or mayo on a sandwich.  And I don't like my salad or veggies dripping in dressing either.  But, my arguments did not stand up to the rules - the rules are the rules, and I can accept them or leave.  At check-out, the rec therapist put it so bluntly that it really resonated with me.  I was commenting on how I am struggling with the rules and she just said "There are like a thousand rules here - so what are you gonna do with that?"  Good point.  I realized my mantra for the rest of the week should be "Suck it up, Princess", because honestly, there isn't anything I can do to change the rules.  They absolutely don't make exceptions for anyone, so if I want to be here and get better, then I just have to suck it up and quit my bitching. Trust in the process.....trust in the process.....trust in the process.....