Today went by pretty smoothly. I was very tired (and mildly hungover from the wine) so I really didn't have the energy to struggle with anything. There was something at every meal and snack that could have been triggering or upsetting for me (non-whole wheat pancakes at breakfast, an apple at snack, a PB&J sandwich for lunch, cupcakes at afternoon snack, and two pieces of toast with two butters at dinner) but I didn't really care. I didn't feel the urge to purge after eating the cupcake, and I was not as upset about 100% completion for the toast and butter with dinner. I don't like that we had to eat it, but I'm not gonna complain about it.
I spoke about my struggle last night in the psychotherapy group today; we had different facilitators, so it felt more open and safe in the group today. I shared how I felt about my behaviours, and listened to how other people felt about what I shared. It turns out I wasn't the only person that had used behaviours last night, so we spoke about how we felt about that, and how it affects us to hear someone else talk about their struggles. One of the girls in the group is very quiet and reluctant to speak in the groups, and she was put on the spot today for not sharing something that happened yesterday. I felt bad for her, because she seems so uncomfortable when she is asked to share, so I hope today was okay for her, and that maybe when she is ready she will open up more to the group.
Healing arts was fun today; everyone brought in two of their favourite songs for us to listen to. We spoke about what the songs meant to us. The songs I picked were ``Part of Me`` by Katy Perry, and `Fighter`by Christina Aguilera. They are both break-up songs, but I find them relevant to the eating disorder, especially when using the personification of ``Ed``. For those who may be unfamiliar with this, it is common in the eating disorder community to refer to the eating disorder like it is an evil partner that puts these thoughts into our heads. We are often asked to reflect on whether we were speaking or if Ed was speaking for us when sharing something about food or body image or something. I don`t use the Ed personification personally, because my Dad`s name is Ed, and he`s a great guy. Instead, I will use ``E.D.`` but I digress....
So anyway, the songs I chose relate to the eating disorder in that it has made me stronger as a person, but at the same time I will not let it consume me completely. It`s hard to explain I guess, so I`ll post links to the songs, and you can check `em out and let me know what you think!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XHZj_nIeKU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y
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