The Weekend

Saturday went well, again it was mostly just Luc and I.  Tony was out in the morning, so I worked out and showered, while Luc played on the iPad.  I told Luc that there would be boundaries on device time over the weekend, he wasn't too pleased with that.  He is so addicted to the iPad and my phone, and I want him to wait until after breakfast to play on the devices.  And of course he argued with that.

We went to pick up the car in the afternoon; Luc and I went home afterward to feed Sylvester.  The morning had gone well as far as following the meal plan - breakfast, followed by a workout, then a snack, and lunch.  When we got home, I started snacking on candy that was on the table.  I really need to get that out of the house.  We could have stayed longer at home, but I needed to get out of there before I totally raided the cupboards for more candy.  I had picked up an organic trail mix bar when we stopped at 7-11 for the post office, so I ate some of that before we stopped at the grocery store.  I had to pick up stuff that I had forgotten the day before.  Luc asked me for a Lego set while we were there.  I am really having difficulty saying no to him.  I had let him buy junk food at 7-11, and that was kind of triggering for me.  I looked at buying some dark chocolate and mints to have on hand for cravings.  They have been so bad lately, that trying to avoid the cravings altogether lead to that nasty binge on Thursday.  I couldn't find the right mints, so I bought an 85% dark chocolate bar to eat at night.

We got through the grocery store fairly well, Luc was good about not asking for treats, but I did cave on the Lego set.  Why he needs another set, I don't know, but I have so much trouble saying no to him.  We went back to Tony's, cooked up some dinner, and then he went to a hockey game.  So just Luc and I again.  The evening went well though; we built some Lego, had a snack, and then watched tv.  Luc was very snack-y as usual; I managed to stick with the apple, dark chocolate and rice cake that I had allowed for a snack.  So that was a success.

Sunday morning I wanted to go to the gym, but realized that it was more to weigh myself than to actually do the spin class.  Luc was sleeping when I was up and wanting to leave for the gym, so I decided to just do a workout DVD instead.  Waking him up to go to the gym just so I could weigh myself (being quite sure that I gained weight this week anyway) would not really be productive.  Had my snack, showered, ate lunch, then Luc and I left.  I feel like I need to talk to Tony about how things are going; I am feeling insecure about how distant he was over the weekend, but I will talk to him before I talk about him on here.

We went to a friend's house for a bit before going to dinner at my parent's house.  I could feel a headache coming on, which I thought was low blood sugar.  I had a small snack at my friend's, but then ate quite a few chips at my parents'.  I know it is okay to eat some chips on the weekend; it's not the end of the world, but I am feeling guilty about that.  Dinner went well, I served myself, and stuck to proper portion sizes, I even ate broccoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce, rather than asking for it just plain.  But as soon as I started putting it on my plate, E.D. jumped in with some judgement there.  After dinner, my headache was stronger; definitely a migraine starting.  I was feeling pretty sad looking at my sister's picture on the mantle; I have been struggling lately with some grief that I need to work on in some individual counseling sessions.

After I dropped Luc off at his dad's, I had to put some gas in my car, and bought some M&Ms.  I had been thinking about buying some since dinner; I knew I didn't need them, and really shouldn't be eating them, but is it okay to want some once in awhile?  I don't know.  It's a slippery slope, and I have to be very careful about getting too close to the edge.  Should have just bought the single serving pack, instead of the bag with 3 servings in it.  Once I got to Tony's, I decided to have a healthy snack of dark chocolate and blueberries.  It would have been fine without the M&Ms first.  So I am not sure about how I feel about that.  I know it's okay to have a treat once in awhile, but after Thursday's binge, Friday's emotional eating, and the chips before dinner, I feel like it was way too much.  I want to be in much better shape for the summer, so this week was not a good start for that.

I'm not really sure what was behind all the over-eating this week; hormones, stress about finishing the program and my car needing so much work, emotions, I don't know.  But I am not feeling so confident about going into the last week of program (it's definitely helped, but my problems are far from solved), so I'll just have to take it one day at a time.