Day 28

Today actually wasn't too bad.  In Managing Strong Emotions, we continued on with the lessons about DBT; I think I might actually look into taking some courses on it, because I like the concept of it and would like to learn more.  Psychotherapy was alright; we started out talking about coffee and addiction for the first half hour; no one really had any issues to bring up.  Although I think we all have issues to bring up, we just seem to be hesitant to do so.  I don't mind bringing things up, I just feel sometimes like I talk so much that I am not giving anyone else a chance to speak.

For lunch, I had that pasta again.  It was really bland.  I had asked if I could add some basil or something, but because I forgot to check with the OT to see if this was okay, I wasn't allowed.  I ate the dessert too, trying to trust in the program that I could eat some dessert in moderation without it turning into a binge.  Well, the whole meal felt like a binge.  I was full before I even finished the pasta, so it really doesn't make sense that they are telling us to learn how to trust our natural hunger and satiety cues, but then tell us to override it once in a while and have dessert.  I really wasn't too sure if eating the cake would go over well or not.

In the building strengths group, we started with a relaxation exercise, which was difficult to focus on because I was so full.  After that, we had to write a love letter or valentine letter to ourselves, about how great we are and all that crap.  I had a hard time with that, because I don't see what everyone else does.

Over the break I went to the mall to do a bit of shopping.  Why do I keep trying stuff on when I know it's just going to make me feel miserable?  Lots of body image stuff going on there. 

I had a few opportunities to binge, but I just kept putting it off.  This strategy seems to be working so far, but I don't know if it will be successful in the long run.  It's working for now, so that's good.  The night was a success; I drank a bit of wine, and wanted ice cream when Tony was going to go get some fast food.  Luckily, he changed his mind, and I was able to talk myself out of it.  I didn't really want ice cream anyway.