Friday

I realized that yesterday I was so caught up in the excessive binge that I didn't even write about how the program went that day.  I guess I was just so focused on what I ate that I couldn't even think about the sessions.  We had another DBT session with Lana, and learned more about interpersonal effectiveness.  We had learned a bit about this the week before, but it was a lot of information in a short amount of time, so not too much of it sunk in.  This week, we learned about how we can ask for things from people, or say no, while preserving the relationship and our self-respect.  It made me think a lot about how I am constantly asking Tony for things - can he support me, can Luc and I stay at his house, can we do this, can he do that for me; but also saying no to invitations to social events.  I do enjoy staying in with Tony, but maybe I am getting too clingy and dependent on him, and should start spending more time with other people.  Which brings me to Friday, which was another day off.

The day started out well; I got up at 8, ate breakfast, worked out and showered.  Tony came home from work around 12.  My car was in the shop today; it needed an oil change, plus a whole bunch of other work that I can't afford.  I had to get Tony to drive me around to get Luc, and to go grocery shopping.  He seemed to be okay with that, but was noticeably frustrated that evening when Luc kept making a Lego mess all over the table and losing pieces.  I had asked Tony if he was okay with us staying with him for the weekend, because I am not quite sure I am ready to have Luc on my own at home yet.  He didn't really say yes or no, and I could feel a bit of tension there.  He went out for the evening, so it was just Luc and I for the night.  I over-ate again, I was frustrated and emotional after talking with my Mum about my car - the car is in pretty bad shape because I haven't been maintaining it properly, and I can't afford a new one.  Or to fix the one I have.  Plus, my grandpa was in the hospital again for another TIA, so I am worried about him.  So I ate white bread with peanut butter and nutella, mixed nuts, and popcorn.  Not excessive, but after Thursday's binge, this was unacceptable.  No purging, but still.  This program is supposed to help me deal with strong emotions without turning to food, and it looks like I turned to food instead of support.  So not too sure about how I feel about that.