I should really get in the habit of updating this more often. It makes it harder to forget if I post right away. Anyway, Friday was alright. In weekend planning, I mentioned the struggle I had on Thursday night, and spoke about how I am nervous to start having regular time with Luc again. I feel like I am okay with him as long as somebody else is there. But I'm not sure how it will go once we start staying at my house again. I guess that will just be one of the challenges I need to face. I made a rough plan for the weekend, I didn't really have too much planned. I kept Friday and Saturday pretty open so I could just spend time with Tony.
After lunch, we had yoga, which was nice. It's pretty easy, I think it's yoga for old people, but I enjoy the relaxation part of it. After yoga, we said goodbye to the last two 'senior' members of the group. They were finished their 8 weeks, and ready to go home. I hope that they really are ready.
Sunday, 10 February 2013
Friday, 8 February 2013
Day 23
Thursday, what a weird day this was! Lana the clinical supervisor was in to facilitate Managing Strong Emotions. Sweet! She's hilarious, I quite enjoy when she joins us in the groups. Following from last Thursday's session on developing the "what" skills of mindfulness practice. Today we were to experience the skills of observing, describing and participating in a mindfulness practice. In the form of playing musical chairs and "dancing like nobody's watching". Seriously not joking. At first, I thought "you've got to be kidding me, I am not going to dance around the room and play a game that I probably haven't played since I was 5. No thanks, I'd rather not make an ass of myself." Apparently I was not the only one feeling this way; hence the reason we were made to do the exercise. So Lana fired up her iPod with some techno tunes, and we started walking around the circle of chairs. The facilitators danced right away, we were a little slower to warm up. But, eventually, some of us started dancing to the music. Lana then broke out some '90s and early 2000s club tunes, so I started getting more into it. I thought about my lessons from Amy, and that I should instead 'dance til everyone is watching'. So got quite a bit more into it, and I won! And I had fun too. I put aside all of my judgement toward myself, and just had fun. I mentioned Amy's lesson and told the group about how I tried to channel Amy's energy, and felt good about it. At the end of the night, one of the new girls said that she wrote "Dance until everyone is watching" on her wrist as inspiration to get through her first dance class since getting out of hospital. Aww.
Psychotherapy was interesting; slow to start, but we ended up working on the lack of trust that underlies all of our psychotherapy sessions. I don't know if it's that we don't fully trust each other, or if it is the presence of those particular therapists. One of the new girls shared right away about her struggle she had at lunch, but no one really picked up on it. Then one of the more senior girls mentioned having engaged in behaviours to cope with being almost done the program and having to go back to school. She said right away about not wanting to process it, so we didn't really talk about it. Finally, one of the girls spoke about how angry she was about having to stay on Tuesday even though she wasn't feeling well. Another group member challenged her to consider whether she was physically ill, or experiencing a physical manifestation of emotional turmoil. From this, the conversation got to the underlying mistrust, and unwillingness to share in this group. It ended up being really good, because now we know what we have to work on in the next psychotherapy group. It should go well after that. It could have been because of the therapists though, they just bring a certain energy to the room that is different than in other groups.
In body image, we were asked to think about the beauty assumptions we worked on last time. Only this time, the facilitators would not be in the room, but monitoring us from the observation room. We were challenged to discuss assumptions such as "if I only looked the way I wanted, then everything would be better" and "You can tell how a person is on the inside by what they look like on the outside". I don't agree with the second one, but I do agree that it is the reason why stereotypes exist. I can't help but think that things would be better if I weighed less, if my skin were clearer, and my teeth whiter. So I don't really want to even consider the alternative to this. Life has got to get better than what it's been. Things have been good, I suppose for the most part, but could be way better. I really know that I would be happier if I lost 20 pounds. They can tell me it's the eating disorder talking, but I know I will be more confident and wanting to go out more if I wasn't so fat.
Over the break, I went over to the University of Calgary Women's Resource Centre to speak as a panelist for Eating Disorders Awareness week. I was the bulimia rep, there was another girl who spoke about having been recovered from anorexia for a few years, and then some program staff were there too. I had been invited by the same girl who organized the Mental Health Awareness presentation I spoke at in November. Apparently the presentation was so moving and positively received by the audience, that they wanted me to come back. Yay! A good start to doing more motivational speaking. It's funny that that is something I really want to do now, considering how shy and afraid I used to be speaking in public. The panel went really well; the question that sticks out most in my head is "What could someone have done early on in the disorder to help you get help?" The anorexia girl said there wasn't much, because her friends and family did everything she needed to get help. They noticed, they talked to her, they asked how they could help. They helped her get help. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to anyone, but I stated that the best thing anyone could have done for me in the last few years of my struggle would have been to notice. I was always so surprised that people didn't question me more about my weight gain, the increasing isolation I was living, and the subtle little hints I gave so often. I'm glad that everyone knows now, and is supportive, but I really wish someone would have asked me about what was going on. The therapist on the panel challenged me by asking what I would have said if someone would have called me out on it; I honestly think I would have just blurted it out to anyone over the last year that was willing to listen. It was really distressing for me to constantly keep up this image that I was doing okay when I wasn't. And I suppose I was still reluctant to fully disclose anything to anyone; it was always on the tip of my tongue, but I'll admit that I was always scared to actually fess up. The rest of the panel went well, I hope that it was inspiring to the audience, and that hearing us speak encourages them to seek treatment. I don't really know how much I want to brag about being a patient-expert in eating disorders, but if it helps people, then that's friggin awesome. I hope to do more of that, and possibly look into turning this blog into a book.
As far as check-out went, I wasn't really anticipating any struggles. I could have gone to the gym, but decided instead to just go to Tony's. I had to go home to feed Sylvester, and stop at the post office. Luc phoned, and was asking about when he would see me this weekend. He thought it was his weekend to be with me, but that was last weekend. I felt really guilty when he expressed his disappointment that he wouldn't be staying with me. I told him that maybe we could spend some time together tomorrow. Mother guilt drives me crazy. I got a strong urge to buy some M&Ms and Diet Coke from the store for a quick b/p at home. But I did not. I popped a mint as soon as I got in the car, went home to pay some attention to my poor neglected kitty, and then straight to Tony's. I had a couple glasses of wine, we watched some cartoons, it was a wonderful night!
Psychotherapy was interesting; slow to start, but we ended up working on the lack of trust that underlies all of our psychotherapy sessions. I don't know if it's that we don't fully trust each other, or if it is the presence of those particular therapists. One of the new girls shared right away about her struggle she had at lunch, but no one really picked up on it. Then one of the more senior girls mentioned having engaged in behaviours to cope with being almost done the program and having to go back to school. She said right away about not wanting to process it, so we didn't really talk about it. Finally, one of the girls spoke about how angry she was about having to stay on Tuesday even though she wasn't feeling well. Another group member challenged her to consider whether she was physically ill, or experiencing a physical manifestation of emotional turmoil. From this, the conversation got to the underlying mistrust, and unwillingness to share in this group. It ended up being really good, because now we know what we have to work on in the next psychotherapy group. It should go well after that. It could have been because of the therapists though, they just bring a certain energy to the room that is different than in other groups.
In body image, we were asked to think about the beauty assumptions we worked on last time. Only this time, the facilitators would not be in the room, but monitoring us from the observation room. We were challenged to discuss assumptions such as "if I only looked the way I wanted, then everything would be better" and "You can tell how a person is on the inside by what they look like on the outside". I don't agree with the second one, but I do agree that it is the reason why stereotypes exist. I can't help but think that things would be better if I weighed less, if my skin were clearer, and my teeth whiter. So I don't really want to even consider the alternative to this. Life has got to get better than what it's been. Things have been good, I suppose for the most part, but could be way better. I really know that I would be happier if I lost 20 pounds. They can tell me it's the eating disorder talking, but I know I will be more confident and wanting to go out more if I wasn't so fat.
Over the break, I went over to the University of Calgary Women's Resource Centre to speak as a panelist for Eating Disorders Awareness week. I was the bulimia rep, there was another girl who spoke about having been recovered from anorexia for a few years, and then some program staff were there too. I had been invited by the same girl who organized the Mental Health Awareness presentation I spoke at in November. Apparently the presentation was so moving and positively received by the audience, that they wanted me to come back. Yay! A good start to doing more motivational speaking. It's funny that that is something I really want to do now, considering how shy and afraid I used to be speaking in public. The panel went really well; the question that sticks out most in my head is "What could someone have done early on in the disorder to help you get help?" The anorexia girl said there wasn't much, because her friends and family did everything she needed to get help. They noticed, they talked to her, they asked how they could help. They helped her get help. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to anyone, but I stated that the best thing anyone could have done for me in the last few years of my struggle would have been to notice. I was always so surprised that people didn't question me more about my weight gain, the increasing isolation I was living, and the subtle little hints I gave so often. I'm glad that everyone knows now, and is supportive, but I really wish someone would have asked me about what was going on. The therapist on the panel challenged me by asking what I would have said if someone would have called me out on it; I honestly think I would have just blurted it out to anyone over the last year that was willing to listen. It was really distressing for me to constantly keep up this image that I was doing okay when I wasn't. And I suppose I was still reluctant to fully disclose anything to anyone; it was always on the tip of my tongue, but I'll admit that I was always scared to actually fess up. The rest of the panel went well, I hope that it was inspiring to the audience, and that hearing us speak encourages them to seek treatment. I don't really know how much I want to brag about being a patient-expert in eating disorders, but if it helps people, then that's friggin awesome. I hope to do more of that, and possibly look into turning this blog into a book.
As far as check-out went, I wasn't really anticipating any struggles. I could have gone to the gym, but decided instead to just go to Tony's. I had to go home to feed Sylvester, and stop at the post office. Luc phoned, and was asking about when he would see me this weekend. He thought it was his weekend to be with me, but that was last weekend. I felt really guilty when he expressed his disappointment that he wouldn't be staying with me. I told him that maybe we could spend some time together tomorrow. Mother guilt drives me crazy. I got a strong urge to buy some M&Ms and Diet Coke from the store for a quick b/p at home. But I did not. I popped a mint as soon as I got in the car, went home to pay some attention to my poor neglected kitty, and then straight to Tony's. I had a couple glasses of wine, we watched some cartoons, it was a wonderful night!
Day 22
Sorry, I've been super-busy this week, so have gotten off track with posting on here. Wednesday went pretty well; in goal-setting I chose to revisit my goal from a couple of weeks ago. I would like to be more mindful of my triggers, and the context in which they occur. And journal about it. Track when, where and why I am being triggered, what is going on inside of me, and what I did about it. I think this really ties in with the DBT training we've been doing lately, and would be good for me, because I tend to try to stay out of every moment, instead of being fully in it. My pattern for so long has been to remove myself from situations by either numbing my feelings, or taking my thoughts away from reality. So it will be a big change to try to be mindful everyday, particularly when I am triggered.
In nutrition processing, we talked again about eating normally and healthfully outside of program. This group drives me crazy! I just don't agree with what they are trying to pass off as a healthy relationship with and attitude toward food. It's not okay to teach people that sugar is okay!! I have realized that it is useless to argue about this though, so commented only on the fact that once I am done program, I intend to eat more of a plant-based diet. No more dairy or wheat either. I need to figure out what is making me break-out so much, because apparently it wasn't the bingeing I had been doing for the long time before treatment started. I haven't had aspartame in over a week, so I don't think it's that. Probably the dairy, I bet. I'll have to make a point in the next menu planning group to choose snacks that are healthy fat-based, rather than dairy based. More trail mix or peanut butter, less cheese and yogurt. See what that will do.
Not too much to report for struggles, I wasn't sure if I was expecting any struggles tonight. I had committed to facilitating my pregnancy and infant loss support group that night, although I know that doing so is often a trigger for me. I think I have gone home and binged every time I leave the meetings, especially when I really don't want to give in. So tonight I told the group about how we would be watching a video about miscarriage and loss, but that I had seen it before and should be okay. Hearing couples talk about recent losses is always sad, but I can usually get through the meetings without crying. One of the nurses asked me if I am in a position right now to facilitate others and offer emotional support. I don't really know that I am, but I had already committed.
The meeting went pretty well, we had a lot of new couples there, and all of the losses were less than 8 months out. That tends to make it a little more emotional then when it is members whose story I have heard before. But I was okay, I cried a bit while we watched the video about how I had lost my best friend, my daughter, and my sister in the last ten years. Rough. I don't know how much I have really grieved those losses, so I know that is something I will have to work on when I am done with the program. After the meeting, I just went straight to Tony's house, and pretty much fell asleep. Whew, no triggers or urges, I think because I had the safety of not wanting Tony to catch me in behaviours to keep me from caving.
In nutrition processing, we talked again about eating normally and healthfully outside of program. This group drives me crazy! I just don't agree with what they are trying to pass off as a healthy relationship with and attitude toward food. It's not okay to teach people that sugar is okay!! I have realized that it is useless to argue about this though, so commented only on the fact that once I am done program, I intend to eat more of a plant-based diet. No more dairy or wheat either. I need to figure out what is making me break-out so much, because apparently it wasn't the bingeing I had been doing for the long time before treatment started. I haven't had aspartame in over a week, so I don't think it's that. Probably the dairy, I bet. I'll have to make a point in the next menu planning group to choose snacks that are healthy fat-based, rather than dairy based. More trail mix or peanut butter, less cheese and yogurt. See what that will do.
Not too much to report for struggles, I wasn't sure if I was expecting any struggles tonight. I had committed to facilitating my pregnancy and infant loss support group that night, although I know that doing so is often a trigger for me. I think I have gone home and binged every time I leave the meetings, especially when I really don't want to give in. So tonight I told the group about how we would be watching a video about miscarriage and loss, but that I had seen it before and should be okay. Hearing couples talk about recent losses is always sad, but I can usually get through the meetings without crying. One of the nurses asked me if I am in a position right now to facilitate others and offer emotional support. I don't really know that I am, but I had already committed.
The meeting went pretty well, we had a lot of new couples there, and all of the losses were less than 8 months out. That tends to make it a little more emotional then when it is members whose story I have heard before. But I was okay, I cried a bit while we watched the video about how I had lost my best friend, my daughter, and my sister in the last ten years. Rough. I don't know how much I have really grieved those losses, so I know that is something I will have to work on when I am done with the program. After the meeting, I just went straight to Tony's house, and pretty much fell asleep. Whew, no triggers or urges, I think because I had the safety of not wanting Tony to catch me in behaviours to keep me from caving.
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Day 21
Again, there were so many people today that it was very different from last week. Healing arts again this morning, which I never really enjoy. We had to make activity or leisure cards or inspirational sayings to put in a 'toolbox' to draw from when we are triggered. A good thing to have I suppose, but I am not really interested in decorating that kind of thing. Maybe if someone bought it from the store, I know they have little boxes of cards like that in Chapters, but I wouldn't buy it for myself. Or use it, I don't think. I just don't see myself drawing cards to figure out what to do with myself. I am very busy, and don't really have leisure time to do this. So I didn't really enjoy the activity.
Then it was break, no baking for me today, thank goodness! We had to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. Great, bread and peanut butter! Followed up by psychotherapy! Where's the sarcastica font when you need it? Not that I was in a bad mood or anything, but I just was not feelin it today. One of the new girls spoke about needing to be in weight recovery but also hanging on to the desire to have a dancer's physique. Meaning she would need to lose weight when she finished the program; read by the staff as not being free of her eating disorder. Another woman spoke to this, about how she will lose weight once she leaves, but not let her eating disorder get out of control again. Some group members argued that she would still be controlled by the eating disorder, and that it would be best to trust in the program. It was quite triggering for me that these girls spoke of relapsing and losing weight; all I could think of was relapsing and gaining weight! For the last two years, I've gotten back into the healthy weight range and then relapsed and gained 20 - 25 pounds! I am NOT going back there! I don't want my eating disorder anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to live by the rules set by the program. I feel sometimes as if I am just modifying my eating disorder so that I don't have to give it up. Conflicted.
We had some gross fish and chips for dinner; I picked it because the other option was an omelette with two pieces of toast. No thanks, had enough bread at lunch. But the fish and chips were disgusting. I can't wait to start eating my own food again. We get to bring in our own lunch tomorrow, so I picked up a veggie burger, gluten-free hamburger bun, and some roasted veggie salad. Feels delicious, and better than the program veggie burgers. I really feel good shopping in the organic store. I really aspire to eat better, healthier organic food once I am done this program. I think that will improve my health quite a bit.
In checkout, I confessed that I was really wanting to go to the gym tonight. Lots of body image issues came up in psychotherapy; hearing those skinny girls talking about how much easier it was to be in their disorder, I felt like the fattest person in the room. Plus having to eat the baking, and that gross dinner, I just felt disgusting. I was challenged that maybe I didn't want to go to the gym, my eating disorder wants me to go to the gym, and that I know I need to have some relaxation and connection time with Tony tonight. I did want to go to the gym, but realized that the best thing would be for me to not work out. :(
It turns out Tony needed me to be with him tonight. He has been so wonderful and supportive, I needed to be with him when he needed support.
Then it was break, no baking for me today, thank goodness! We had to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. Great, bread and peanut butter! Followed up by psychotherapy! Where's the sarcastica font when you need it? Not that I was in a bad mood or anything, but I just was not feelin it today. One of the new girls spoke about needing to be in weight recovery but also hanging on to the desire to have a dancer's physique. Meaning she would need to lose weight when she finished the program; read by the staff as not being free of her eating disorder. Another woman spoke to this, about how she will lose weight once she leaves, but not let her eating disorder get out of control again. Some group members argued that she would still be controlled by the eating disorder, and that it would be best to trust in the program. It was quite triggering for me that these girls spoke of relapsing and losing weight; all I could think of was relapsing and gaining weight! For the last two years, I've gotten back into the healthy weight range and then relapsed and gained 20 - 25 pounds! I am NOT going back there! I don't want my eating disorder anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to live by the rules set by the program. I feel sometimes as if I am just modifying my eating disorder so that I don't have to give it up. Conflicted.
We had some gross fish and chips for dinner; I picked it because the other option was an omelette with two pieces of toast. No thanks, had enough bread at lunch. But the fish and chips were disgusting. I can't wait to start eating my own food again. We get to bring in our own lunch tomorrow, so I picked up a veggie burger, gluten-free hamburger bun, and some roasted veggie salad. Feels delicious, and better than the program veggie burgers. I really feel good shopping in the organic store. I really aspire to eat better, healthier organic food once I am done this program. I think that will improve my health quite a bit.
In checkout, I confessed that I was really wanting to go to the gym tonight. Lots of body image issues came up in psychotherapy; hearing those skinny girls talking about how much easier it was to be in their disorder, I felt like the fattest person in the room. Plus having to eat the baking, and that gross dinner, I just felt disgusting. I was challenged that maybe I didn't want to go to the gym, my eating disorder wants me to go to the gym, and that I know I need to have some relaxation and connection time with Tony tonight. I did want to go to the gym, but realized that the best thing would be for me to not work out. :(
It turns out Tony needed me to be with him tonight. He has been so wonderful and supportive, I needed to be with him when he needed support.
Day 20 (Monday) - Updated
Monday went by pretty quickly; we had two new girls join us, plus two that are in their last week, so there were a lot of us! No issues that I can think of, but will update as I think of it.
So I forgot what I did on Monday, and just remembered. I started writing it, and then the laptop died. Goddamn! So here's what I remember from what I wrote:
Monday was alright; I reported the struggles I had over the weekend in the check-in. Not too bad, I had binged on Friday night, and then struggled with eating cake on Sunday. Oh well, I guess. Could have been worse. I didn't purge after the cake, I just ate it. I figured I had eaten well and exercised the other days, so should be okay. I decided not to weigh in; I was worried that I would be up, because of the number on the scale at the gym. I think sometimes that I should buy new batteries for my scale, but I know this is risky.
Nutrition planning was alright, we talked about cooking at home. In Emotional and Physical Relationships group, we were asked to answer questions about our families. The question I got was "In your family, is it okay to make mistakes?" I was surprised at how triggering this question was. I didn't share too much of what I wrote, other than that it brought up a lot of the resentment and jealousy toward Amy and my parents that I thought I had already dealt with. The therapist mentioned that this was not the first time I had voiced being surprised at certain emotions coming up that I "thought I was over", and that maybe I should bring it up in psychotherapy. Haven't done that yet, but maybe. I sometimes feel like I talk too much, so I don't want to take up every session with my issues, I should be using individual counseling for that. At check-out, we had to make 'hope and play' suggestions, of things that we will be hopeful for, and some sort of leisure or fun activity we will do during the week. I'm not too sure what I'll do for play, but I am hopeful that over the next four weeks, I can get as much out of treatment as I possibly can. Even though some of the rules drive me crazy, I really need to use this time to get serious about life after treatment.
So I forgot what I did on Monday, and just remembered. I started writing it, and then the laptop died. Goddamn! So here's what I remember from what I wrote:
Monday was alright; I reported the struggles I had over the weekend in the check-in. Not too bad, I had binged on Friday night, and then struggled with eating cake on Sunday. Oh well, I guess. Could have been worse. I didn't purge after the cake, I just ate it. I figured I had eaten well and exercised the other days, so should be okay. I decided not to weigh in; I was worried that I would be up, because of the number on the scale at the gym. I think sometimes that I should buy new batteries for my scale, but I know this is risky.
Nutrition planning was alright, we talked about cooking at home. In Emotional and Physical Relationships group, we were asked to answer questions about our families. The question I got was "In your family, is it okay to make mistakes?" I was surprised at how triggering this question was. I didn't share too much of what I wrote, other than that it brought up a lot of the resentment and jealousy toward Amy and my parents that I thought I had already dealt with. The therapist mentioned that this was not the first time I had voiced being surprised at certain emotions coming up that I "thought I was over", and that maybe I should bring it up in psychotherapy. Haven't done that yet, but maybe. I sometimes feel like I talk too much, so I don't want to take up every session with my issues, I should be using individual counseling for that. At check-out, we had to make 'hope and play' suggestions, of things that we will be hopeful for, and some sort of leisure or fun activity we will do during the week. I'm not too sure what I'll do for play, but I am hopeful that over the next four weeks, I can get as much out of treatment as I possibly can. Even though some of the rules drive me crazy, I really need to use this time to get serious about life after treatment.
The Weekend
The weekend went by so fast, I didn't get a chance to check in. Hair appointments on Saturday, Luc's birthday party on Sunday, a couple of workouts, dinner with Mum and Dad; it went well. I had over-eaten on Friday night, so I was careful to eat mindfully throughout the weekend.
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Day 19
Finally Friday! The week went by pretty quickly, and thankfully Friday is a shorter day. In weekend planning, I made up a detailed schedule for getting through the weekend. Lots of stuff going on, so I need to be sure to stick to my meal plan.
The recreation and occupational therapists took us out for lunch today. We got to go to Earls, but of course there were a hundred rules to go with it. We were actually allowed to order caffeinated beverages but no diet or light products. I'm trying to avoid diet coke these days, because I think it makes me break out. We couldn't order an entree salad, even though it's a meal in itself. Thank god it wasn't 100% completion; restaurant portions are so big, I would have been so full! I ordered a veggie quesadilla; it was good, but I was second-guessing my choice once I started eating it. Lots of cheese, and the tortilla was not whole wheat. I ate half of it, and the salad that came with it.
For snack, it was a 'mindful' snack; we were allowed to pick whatever we wanted, as long as it fit with meal plan rules. I chose to have a yogurt, but instantly regretted it. Too much dairy! I wish we had some vegan protein options in the snacks. I had trail mix at the morning snack, so didn't want more nuts or fat. Should have just gone with fruit. Next time.
The rest of the day was spent celebrating successes. I'm not too sure what my successes were for the week, I guess bringing up Tuesday's struggle in psychotherapy, and not leaving on Tuesday. Actually, I didn't even want to go on Friday, so I suppose it was a success that I actually went.
The recreation and occupational therapists took us out for lunch today. We got to go to Earls, but of course there were a hundred rules to go with it. We were actually allowed to order caffeinated beverages but no diet or light products. I'm trying to avoid diet coke these days, because I think it makes me break out. We couldn't order an entree salad, even though it's a meal in itself. Thank god it wasn't 100% completion; restaurant portions are so big, I would have been so full! I ordered a veggie quesadilla; it was good, but I was second-guessing my choice once I started eating it. Lots of cheese, and the tortilla was not whole wheat. I ate half of it, and the salad that came with it.
For snack, it was a 'mindful' snack; we were allowed to pick whatever we wanted, as long as it fit with meal plan rules. I chose to have a yogurt, but instantly regretted it. Too much dairy! I wish we had some vegan protein options in the snacks. I had trail mix at the morning snack, so didn't want more nuts or fat. Should have just gone with fruit. Next time.
The rest of the day was spent celebrating successes. I'm not too sure what my successes were for the week, I guess bringing up Tuesday's struggle in psychotherapy, and not leaving on Tuesday. Actually, I didn't even want to go on Friday, so I suppose it was a success that I actually went.
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