Since my last check-in, I have been bingeing a fair bit. Court stuff was settled between Antonio and Bianca, so Luc has been away since Friday night. This is the first time in a long time that I have been by myself, and it's been hard. I had good intentions to stay on track with my eating, but it hasn't gone quite as well as I hoped. I also ran out of meds, so I think once I get my prescription filled, then that will help. I don't even enjoy bingeing anymore, I guess I was just doing it out of habit. I really feel gross though. Bloated, dehydrated, fat. Why do I do this to myself?
As far as things with Tony are going, we've been talking lately, and it seems like he still wants to have some kind of relationship. I know that it can't go any further if he isn't interested in being a step-parent, so I don't know how things will turn out. I guess we can be friends, and see how things go.
Christmas is coming up next week, and that's probably another reason I've been bingeing. I really don't like Christmas, and I am not really looking forward to the family get togethers and all the food. But what else am I gonna do? Stay home by myself? That would be depressing, so I will just suck it up. I think it's just the idea of Christmas that I don't like- everyone is supposed to be happy, and right now I'm not. But dwelling on that isn't going to make it any better. I think the best thing I can do right now is just to focus on eating well, without dwelling on the bingeing I've done the last few days. What is done is done, I can only move forward from here. With that being said, I think it's time to go take a shower and start my day. As much as I am enjoying being lazy in bed, it is not productive. Happy Wednesday!
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